Top tips for getting through a divorce
In a perfect world, nobody would have to go through the pressure and pain of getting a divorce.
But it’s something many of us have to go through – sometimes more than once.
The amount of couples getting divorced in the UK is on the rise too. The latest statistics from the Office for National Statistics revealed that 42 per cent of marriages in England and Wales ended in divorce in 2012.
And if that isn’t enough, the statistics show that 34 per cent of marriages are expected to end in divorce before the 20th wedding anniversary.
So, if you’ve just decided you want a divorce or you’re part-way through proceedings, take comfort in the fact you are most definitely not alone in this situation and take a look at our top tips for surviving the divorce.
Be sure this is what you want
It’s probably not what you want to see, but it’s so important that you’re sure you want a divorce.
It’s a really big life change to make, so you want to be certain that you will feel happier after you have divorced. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but if you have any doubts that divorce is the right way to go, there are always other options to explore including counselling or simply spending some time apart.
Think about the children
If you haven’t got children then the main concerns in the divorce will be the feelings of you and your partner.
But if you have got children then it’s paramount that you think of their feelings through every step of the divorce.
Keep them involved in what’s going on and make sure you understand how they feel about everything. This situation will be just as stressful for them, so you need to make sure you’re available to talk to them.
Equally important is that both parents are there for the children. Never use the children as a go-between for communication or as a way to get back at your other half.
Even if you don’t want to be. Sure, this again is easier said than done, but if you want to get out of the divorce as a happy person, the best thing to do is go through proceedings being as pleasant as possible.
Slinging insults at each other at every opportunity is not in the least bit productive and only delays the real issues getting dealt with. For a less painful and stressful divorce, being a nice person to your other half is the best way to get through.
Be honest with yourself
It’s okay to feel upset, you’re going through a massive change and to try and bottle it up is not going to do you any favours. In fact, it might prolong the time it takes for you to get over the divorce and move on with your life.
Give yourself time to understand truly what’s going on, so that in turn you will accept the causes of the divorce and what it means for the future.
You’re not supposed to immediately feel better, but by acknowledging that you’re upset you’ll be able to bounce back at your own pace without anyone rushing you or telling you how you should be feeling.
If you’re in the middle of a divorce, you’re undoubtedly going through one of the more negative experiences of your life. But rather than dwell on the difficult time you’re in, think about the positive things you have to look forward to.
Or, if you can’t think of anything positive about life post-divorce, make some! Start small by planning a weekend away with friends or something fun to do with the kids, or even just something for you to do alone such as a nice shopping trip or a walk in your favourite beauty spot. By giving yourself little things to look forward to you’re much less likely to get stuck thinking about the negatives in the past and present.
If you’re going through a divorce or a friend or family member is newly divorced, why not get a little gift to show you’re thinking of them? We have a variety of different Divorce Gifts to help put a smile back on their face.